The Earth Laughs in Flowers

UGH

So I worked really hard to make sure that I was super anal about my bank account and yet I still managed to fuck it up. Hello almost 200$ in overdraft fees. I hope I have enough money in my check to even pay for it, but considering Forever 21 fucking sucks and only gives me 10 hours a week, I probably won’t. I have the chance RIGHT now to go out and get my check and deposit it before mindnight in hopes that I wont recieve another fee but that won’t happen. My dad went to bed early, Rachel’s at work, and Ally has no gas. But of course my Nana would NEVER let Al borrow her car, because she’s a selfish douchebag. On top of this I have to worry about moving back to Narragansett for the school year, and worry about going to a school I don’t really like with people I despise. I wan to transfer, I probably will transfer. I’m so afraid and the one person I need to help me through this IS NOT THERE. But what a surprise, he hasn’t been there for months. I pour my heart and soul out for him and he snubbs it. Sometimes I wonder why I’m so worried about losing him, what would I be losing? And then I remember, my best friend, my lover, one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. It’s just so so difficult and I want our relationship to work and I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want him to care. Thats all. But he can’t seem to do that for more than a millisecond these days, everything else has become more important. I’m disposable and at the end of the day, he doesn’t really need me as much as I need him. And that disgusts me, because I was so above all of these feelings when I first entered this relationship. And he managed to break me down and ensnare me in the awful thing that is a teenage realtionship. But it isn’t a teenage relationship anymore, we’re adult are we? And maybe I just need to evolve and move on and realize that I need to change my expectations or this relationship will fizzle and burn out. Basically my summer has been an emotional rolloarcoaster, filled with lack of money and lack of friends and lack of a caring boyfriend. My heart is so broken.

I slept until 12 today, ughh I HATE it when I do that. I like waking up to an empty house so I can do my own thing though. Taylor and I worked out our problems for real on the 4th, with Preston as our mediator of course. We promised each other no more fighting, becuase it’s killing both of us.

I don’t really know what’s going on for today, cleaning is on the agenda of course. And I still have to call my health insurance to find a new doctor. Maybe I’ll gym it and hopefully my love is coming over (:

New Job hopefully (:

Interview at Forever 21 at 12:45 on thursday I’m SO excited (: Can’t wait to finally have some money in my pocket. And to make things even better Taylor and I are finally getting past this awful point of our relationship. I think it was necessary to fight and discuss things, because now they’re only going to get stronger. And thing with my mum are great too, we aren’t fighting anymore and she’s finally come to terms with me living with my dad. I’m so frigging happy I could burst (: Hopefully things will only get better from here on out, and this will be the best summer ever.

Yeahh

So today’s the senior cruise and it’s currently spitting rain and wicked overcast out, I hope that the cruise will be a success, I’ve really been looking forward to it. Today was alright, we were late to school (8:22) because we drove hickman home and Taylor said that the 8 oclock thing was “relative” and it was okay that we’d be late.WRONG, lol Ms. Johnson yelled at us, and Taylor had already been called up. I was really disappointed because I was hoping to get a tassel for SOMETHING. But of course I didn’t, I know it’s lame but it kind of upsets me. After we got our gowns and stuff we had to go to preston’s to get one of his school books, and then we went back to school and waited for a 1/2 an hour while people higher up in the highschool establishment made Preston feel bad. We were at Taylor’s for a hundred years, while he played GTA4 and cleaned. I’ve been so restless and really down and all I want is to be showered with affection. I guess Taylor doesnt understand that, because he has “a lot of shit” that he’s dealing with. That hurts even worse than his lack of affection, he KNOWS what I’m going through. He then told me on the ride home that music will always be the most important thing in his life, and I asked if I would ever be the most important. He said no.

Last day of high schoool

Today was awesome. Last day of high school; Tay, Preston and I all drove to school together this morning, and I just walked around all day and got my favorite teachers to sign my yearbook. Mme. Gabaude wrote in french, but I feel like if I asked her not to then she’d be even more disappointed than she already is in me. Totally Suuucked last year in french 3 H, but oh well, I’m going to pursue my french in college anyways. After I gave the Shirmanator and Carp. their pictures of us from prom, I went to gym class and its ironic that the day I leave they start playing tennis, when I’ve been begging for like 2 weeks. But Mr. Capizzo gave me my certificate for helping out the special Ed. Kids, he totally didn’t expect me to have as good of a final paper as I did. And now he’s putting it in his portfolio, awesomee :D The senior cookout was a total bust though, the line was waaay too long and the food was SO shitty and we ran out of ketchup…. that was really well-planned obviously.But Dara and I left early and we just did random things all day. We went to the coinstar to cash her tips and we went to all the local grocery stores for various reasons and we made choc. chip cookies but had to run out in the middle to get butter. We watched some silly saw knock-off movie and made fun of it the whole time and had good conversation at capron and during our zillion car rides. Altogether it was a a good last day, but I have to be up tommorow for 8 to get my cap and gown, laaaame. Hopefully the crusie will be good tommorow night and the camp thing on wednesday ( actually I’m really hoping the weather will be nice..)